its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
