he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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