turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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