M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
