break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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