is your mom at the bar?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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