I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
