I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
