you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
