I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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