Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
