At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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