I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
