i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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