I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
