high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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