So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
