Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
