i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
