Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
