Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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