is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
