What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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