Where did you get a picture of my penis
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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