Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She bit a glass in half.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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