she told me i tasted like america
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
