My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
