you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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