I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
