so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
