I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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