I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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