was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
