Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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