did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
