i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
