I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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