apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
