He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
