you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
