He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
