Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
