Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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