no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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