a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
