if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the condom got lost in my hair
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
