look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
