Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also, beer. Big fan.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
