That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
