i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
