I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
