why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
