Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
