I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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