I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
