I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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